i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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