he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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