So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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