I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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