Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
