The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
