Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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