my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
