you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just invented taco cereal.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
