she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
