Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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