you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
