i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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