she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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