I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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