Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
