Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
