Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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