I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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