Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
