I wanna bring you to show and tell
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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