do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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