I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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