5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Less talking, more tequila
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
