I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
