his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
