what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
