Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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