walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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