pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
