so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
