i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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