a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
