Grow some girl-balls and come out already
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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