The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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