Me too!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
