2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
