I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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