Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
