I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
