I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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