I'm lost and stupid without you.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
