the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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