just tell him i said nine months
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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