She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
