walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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