Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
