somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
