Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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