My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
