Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I have demons in me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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