she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
