I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
