i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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