would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
