That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
