i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
