Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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