the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
