I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
