I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
