omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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