Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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