my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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