It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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