I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
