similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
