conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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