the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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